Grief and Pet Loss
After the loss of a pet, it is natural to feel grief and sorrow. While grieving is an internal and private response, there are certain shared processes that most people experience. By understanding the grieving process, you will be better prepared to manage your grief and to help others in the family who are also sharing the loss.

The Stages of Grief
There are many signs of grief, but not everyone experiences them all or in the same order. You may experience denial, anger, guilt, depression, acceptance and resolution. Your first reaction may be denial... denial that the animal has died. This reaction may occur even before death, when you first learn the extent of your animal's illness or injuries. Often, the more sudden the death, the more difficult the loss is to accept.

Anger and guilt often follow denial. This anger can be directed toward people you normally love and respect, including your family and your veterinarian. People will often say things that they do not really mean, perhaps hurting those whom they do not mean to hurt. You may feel guilty or blame others for: not recognizing the illness earlier; not doing something sooner; not being able to afford other types of treatment; or for being careless and allowing the animal to be injured.

Depression is also part of the range of emotions experienced after the death of a loved animal companion. This is the period when you usually feel the greatest sense of loss. The tears flow, there are knots in your stomach, and you feel drained of all your energy. Day-to-day tasks can seem impossible. Sometimes you may even ask yourself if you can go on without your pet. The answer is yes, but there are times when special assistance may be helpful.

Eventually, you will come to terms with your feelings. You can begin to resolve and accept your pet’s death. When you have reached resolution and acceptance, the feelings of anger, denial, guilt, and depression may reappear. If this does occur, the intensity of these feelings will be much less, and with time, these feelings will be replaced with fond memories.

Although the signs of grief apply whether the loss is of an animal or a human loved one, grieving is a personal process. Some people take longer than others to come to terms with denial, anger, guilt, or depression, and each loss is different. If you understand that these are normal reactions, you will be better prepared to cope with your own feelings and to help others face theirs. Family and friends should be reassured that sorrow and grief are normal, natural responses to death. They may not understand. Well-meaning family and friends may not realize how important your pet was to you or the intensity of your grief. Comments they make may seem cruel and uncaring. Be honest with yourself and others about how you feel.  If despair mounts, talk to someone who will listen about your pet. Talk about your sorrow, but also about the fun times you and your pet spent together, the activities you enjoyed and the memories that are meaningful.

If you or a family member has great difficulty in accepting your pet’s death and cannot resolve feelings of grief and sorrow, you may want to discuss those feelings with a person who is trained to understand the grieving process. Your veterinarian certainly understands this special loving relationship and may be able to suggest pet loss support groups and hot lines, grief counselors, clergy, social workers, physicians, or psychologists who can be helpful. Talking about your loss will often help.